Fear of the Unknown

~ nikkicasartelli

Hello 2015!

It’s only five days now until I start my Schema Therapy. I feel like I should be able to tell you more about it but to be honest, whatever I do get told disappears straight out of my head so it might be best to look on the link!

Here’s what I do know: I have a mix of group therapy and individual therapy (a session of each once a week). There are eight other people in my group and two therapists. I’ve already met my three therapists. I’m not sure if I’m going to get on with the individual therapist – I felt like she didn’t like me. Could be me being paranoid of course…but how am I supposed to tell? And what do you do if you don’t get on with someone who is supposed to be your sounding board, your challenger, your healer, your confidente?

The whole thing kicks off with a group session and to be honest I’m terrifed! Silly things like, what do I wear? What if the other patients don’t like me? What if they decided I’m not BPD after all? What if they decide I am? How much should I speak? Oh my, my heart is beating fast! I know it’s fear of the unknown…I can’t picture, can’t see what it’s going to be like. I wish I’d taken in more instead of nodding like a dog and just wanting to please everyone. 3bec0edeff2cfa9f0c7882bd75a5e396I keep having to talk myself into definitely going. It’s for my own good. But when I’ve been struggling with mental health issues for so long, and to be honest, at the moment I’m functioning fine, the temptation just to poddle along as I am on my own if very tempting. But I want to do this…sometimes.

I’ve been told that, within the appropriate boundaries of the patient/therapist relationship, we’re supposed to be like a big family, the therapists the parents. I’m allowed to act more childishly (joyfully) but also learn to be a responsible adult. I’m supposed to criticise the therapists if I think they’re wrong. Yeah, right!

So, it starts. I’ll let you know how it goes. Do ask any questions you might have as we go along – I’ll answer as much as I can without breaching the confidentiality of others and within my own limits.

4 thoughts on “Fear of the Unknown”

  1. I totally hear your fear but deep down I know you want to grab the opportunity with both hands. I had similar fears about a group therapy thing I was meant to start recently but backed out at the very last minute (I literally arrived at the place, turned around and walked right back out the door in panic!) I so regret it now because it was all based on unfounded thoughts/ unknowns similar to those you’ve described. Now that opportunity is lost 😞

    If you don’t end up getting on with your individual therapist then have a word with one of the group therapists and see about changing – give it a bit of time before deciding whether that all-important bond is there but don’t be afraid to ask if you not happy.

    I’m looking forward to hearing about it, however much you feel up to sharing. It’s a very different approach to anything I’m familiar with and sounds intense but hopefully really worth it. Be yourself, not the person you think they want you to be. You’re there to get better, not to make everyone else happy! Good luck! xxx

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  2. I know that I don’t know you but I just wanted to say that by reading your post, I am guilty of the same things as you are. I think perhaps you are overthinking things and it’s causing you distress. It’s not easy to turn this all around in one day but I do believe that this therapy will help you. Be open and honest and be yourself and that way you can get the most help possible.

    Good luck!

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