First Blood

Right, well my first group Schema Therapy session is over. I think I might have slightly disassociated from it all because it doesn’t all seem mega clear and it only finished three hours ago.

What can I say? There were less men than women and the range of personality types seemed to be huge within that. From confident and wise-cracking types to shy, don’t-make-eye-contact sorts. Of course, we all had quite a lot in common too. Like an overt sense of self-criticism, impulsivity, destructive thoughts and actions, mood flips and an ability to crush happy, healthy things with distrust, distancing and foolish actions. Or was that just me? 🙂

We talked generally about our problems and did an exercise, which consisted of us becoming connected with a ball of multi-coloured wool. I still have a strand tied around my wrist. We’re all connected you see. My only previous expereince of group therapy involved twenty anorexic women sat in a room not daring to talk for an hour which was mortifying and highly anxiety provoking. This was heaven compared to that.

While it was all going on I went through a huge array of feelings: wanting everyone to like me and then assu287e786f9a74f6c4dc904ddaa6b1fc05ming the didn’t, judgements, anger, frustration, sadness, self-loathing, shyness, fear, anxiety, shame, until I reached a point where I’d had enough and I kinda zoned out. We were told to do an exercise where we were supposed to be in a calming bubble, a safe place, which brought on some tough emotions in wosme people. Me? I put myself with a pile of books in that bubble, while my mind roamed off elsewhere and ended up reviewing my part in the session and cringing at the things I’d said. It seems so silly when the first thing I heard on leaving the group was about the shooting in Paris. That is true sadness.

Mostly, I think it will be a positive experience. I’m quite excited to think that I’ll really get to know these people and they’ll help me become healthier, and maybe, I can help them. I’m interested to know where things will go from here so I’m looking forward to and dreading the next session in equal measures. I don’t want to go to some places. Not yet. But, I suppose it’s always nice to find people who really understand, which I instantly know that these people really do. And that’s a soothing thought.


One thought on “First Blood

  1. It is so much easier (and probably more damaging) to stay inside in the safety of the known instead of stepping out of your comfort zone. I’m truly proud of you for doing this and for sharing the experience here. 🙂


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