I wanted to write today because we had a really positive group session this morning. I’m not sure we touched upon anything ground-breaking or new but we did seem to really click as a group for the first time, and for the first time I’ve come away feeling secure, not overly naval gazing, and, dare I say it, looking forward to next week.
I’m not sure what it is that brings a group together. Maybe we’ve all had enough time scoping each other out or maybe no one was coming on the back of a horrendous week, but we started with a safety imagery exercise. We each have to find a place in our heads where we can go and feel safe. Usually some of us struggle at this but everyone seemed to get there this week and breathe a sigh of relief (mine, if you’re interested, is a place I’ve had or years – an Alpine meadow, surrounded by sunlight, wildflowers and the sounds of cow bells and a tinkling stream).
From then on we discussed mode flipping (jumping from one mode to the next very quickly, e.g. from vulnerable child to punative parent), which Schema Therapy says is at the core of BPD and the session was full of smiles and laughter, despite a few teary moments. We comforted each other. It felt caring and warm.
Not to say that I believe these people will become my bestest friends. I do that a lot – I form friendship crushes very quickly on people and then get highly embarrassed and offended when it’s not returned with the same vigour. There are still things that confuse me about people, I still feel like I need to prove myself to be liked and sometimes I’m gritting my teeth, but I’m beginning to think that this is definitely a journey we can go on together and help each other steer our own ships.