Today’s therapy session was a bit too difficult for me to want to discuss, but I guess that’s what you call progress. I’m left exhausted and confused by my own motivations and actions, I’m left not feeling very impressed with myself at all.
So, on to another subject. I was shown this wonderful article written by Jamie Flexton for The Huffington Post about depression:
I wholeheartedly concur with him. I’ve certainly made up excuses about not being able to go out and meet friends or do work. Instead of congratulating myself for just getting through the day, I’ve been wracked with guilt for lying and saying I’m ill and feeling lazy and useless. A drain on the world. And I do agree that depression is just not understood. People are so flippant about it, when it’s so lonely and dehumanising. It’s so hurtful, frustrating and embarrassing to be told that “things will look better soon”, or “chin up, love” when you feel hopeless and as if dark creatures are gnawing on your insides and you’ll never amount to anything so why bother trying. Of course, some of us are better at putting a face on it than others, but how exhausting it is! And yes, you can smile when your heart is aching, but no one smiles in the darkness in bed at night.
While I appreciate you have to find joy in the little things (and I can sometimes, really, we all can), until people are ready to accept depression as an illness, not a wallow in self-pity, then maybe people should be more ready to really listen, learn and help, rather than advising a stiff upper lip. Honestly, we don’t want to feel this way, we’re just looking for a way out of the darkness.