Fighting Your Demons

I had an actual fun therapy session today.

We’ve been focusing a lot of the Punitive Parent and the Detached Protector, luckily for me because they are my main two problems. I have written about them before but both of Schema Therapy modes: the PP is basically the negative voice in your head. DP is switching off from emotions, often to escape the PP!

Last week in my individual therapy I had to write some of the things down that my PP says in my head. I started simply with “I’m a bad person”. Then I had to write good things about myself so I could fight the negative voice. I found I couldn’t write down the nice things and burst into tears.

With that in mind, today my therapist had a plan of action. The room my session are held in are full of a range of cuddly toys. One is a large Garfield, about the size of a child. We pretended that he was my PP and together threw pens, boxes of tissues and cushions at it, shouting at it to leave me alone. Finally I ended up hitting the poor toy with the cushion and shouting why I deserved more positive thoughts.

OK, it felt a bit silly, it felt a bit false (did I believe what I was saying? Maybe not yet) but it also felt good and a whole lot of fun. I just felt guilty for poor Garfield (although look at him, he is a bit smug, right?)335377f3ba512726cc4e67b8fdc7a3b8 – but I think we proved a point. To get better, I need to be prepared to fight. Because if I don’t, I’m wasting the opportunity this therapy is giving me. If I don’t try and think nice things about myself then I’ll never shake the negative thoughts which tell me my friends don’t like me, my work isn’t good enough and I don’t deserve to be happy.

I think I need to work on my kickboxing skills…

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4 thoughts on “Fighting Your Demons

  1. I’m new to schema therapy as a patient. Thanks for sharing your experience, I feel really lost so it was good to read!

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      1. Sure, I did some reading and got to do some chair work as well as an imagery exercise. It’s starting to make sense!

        My psych explained to me recently that she combines Schema stuff with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Dialectical Behaviourial Therapy as all three of them seem to have a strong emphasis on mindfulness and acceptance of varying ego “parts” of ourselves.

        Definitely hopeful I’ll be able to change long ingrained patterns of thinking/feeling/doing! 🙂

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      2. Great! Definitely – it’s so weird how ingrained some unhealthy patterns do become and I guess it’s noticing them first and then tackling them. x

        Liked by 1 person

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