Happy New Year!

Happy 2016 everybody!

I had an amazing festive period – one of the best I’ve had in years. Lots of booze, food, games, gifts and loved ones. I really hope you all did too!

…then I hit the reality of normal life and felt a bit sad again. In fact, it was one of the worst January blues feelings ever – I felt anxious and nervous about it and struggled to sleep on Sunday night.

But I have so much to look forward to this year so I’m determined not to sink so low. I have a wedding to plan and I’m going to work more on getting my own business up and running – nothing is going to hold me back.

We had our first group therapy session back after Christmas today – and the frequency has reduced. The sessions will be fortnightly (as will the individual sessions) and they will reduce further in six months. Basically, we’re being prepared to be set loose into the real world again. There are some fears around abandonment, how people will cope without the group and without therapy – myself though, I mostly feel punitive about not having worked hard enough at changing so far. Halfway through and what the hell have I done with it? Why am I there? In many ways I want everyone there to hate me so that I can disappear from the whole thing easily.

But we each wrote out some aims for this year in therapy and mine is mostly to focus on wanting to get rid of my punitive parent mode. To try and really realise that it being there is not essential to me – that some evil inner self won’t emerge if I don’t criticise and punish myself.

I also want to get better at saying ‘no’ more often and to steer myself away from trying to damage the good things in my life. All these aims seem a bit scary to me but I think they might just be manageable.

Also, 2016, it has a good ring about it, don’t you think?c16765da4e68be9b83987aa22443ba33

 

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2 thoughts on “Happy New Year!

  1. “what the hell have I done with it?” I think you’ve made huge progress! Maybe read back through these blog posts to see the change for yourself? I had the same feeling while reading my 2015 diary. The first half was utterly depressing and I was frustrated reading it, seeing myself make the same mistakes over and over, with no progression. But then I noticed my attitude was changing and I could see the progress I’d made over the next 6 months. i’m not where I want to be yet, but I am definitely moving in the right direction. but if I hadn’t re-read my diary I would never have realised. I think you’re doing brilliantly šŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

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