So today in group I managed to vocalise a problem I’ve been worrying about for a while: now therapy is reducing, I’m really quite nervous of not having a mental health problem I can label myself with. If my therapy is over, does that mean I have to be fully functional? Do I have no excuse to fall back on if I go wrong? Will there be no professional out there looking out for my emotional needs, who I can talk to openly if I do something I’m confused about?
I guess this might sound a bit pathetic, but what I doubt I’m the only one who, towards the end of therapy, feels some anxiety about letting go o a comfort blanket. Not something that makes you special, per se, but something that is a constant and an easy reason for playing things safe.
I’ve been in almost constant therapy since 2011 now so the prospect of it all coming to an end is a little bit scary. I’ve always been able to label the way I tick as ‘anorexia’, ‘depression’, ‘anxiety’ and then ‘borderline personality’. I feel like I need to compare myself to my peers and catch up with them now I’m looking at having no label; to really tackle everyday life rather than my own internal demons.
I’m not sure I’m describing this very well and I feel a bit nervous about leaving myself open to attack. Yeah, it’s not cool to fall back on ‘mental health issues’ as an excuse but it’s hard not to when everything you do, in therapy, is placed into boxes pertaining to ‘schemas’ and ‘modes’ and ‘learned behaviours’ not just that one big box of ‘being human’.