One of the strangest things about our Schema Therapy is the assessments. Every six months we have a round of assessments that look at how much money our mental health problems cost us, how it affects our relationships, view of ourselves, mental capacity, ability to look after ourselves, etc. We even had to do a DNA test right at the beginning.
Today’s assessment, however, was about the therapists and people in the group and I guess it looks at how they are influencing our recovery. One of the things we get asked to draw a picture of our main modes (punitive parent, vulnerable child and healthy adult), their relationships to each other and then to write the names of the other group members and therapists close to the modes they bring out in us. Considering the last blog I wrote (about wondering if my therapist is avoiding me), it’s very useful.
This time round I drew (in stick men form only – my artist skills are limited!) my vulnerable child bigger than before but with the punitive parent holding her arm and whispering poison in her ear. The healthy adult stood further away reaching out for the child but not quite getting there. But he was also bigger than before (why my PP and HA are male and my VC is a female is a question for someone else to ponder). I think mostly I gave my therapists strong positions near the HA but with my individual therapist near my vulnerable side since I’m afraid she doesn’t like me. Something I’m encouraged to bring up with her. Hmm…
But it is progress – I think I know who helps bring out my healthy sides and who makes me more anxious and afraid. I think I’m more aware of my child modes and how I use them to try and influence (eek – manipulate?) people. I know how much responsibility I need to take, for myself and others – even if I don’t always act on it. I know where I want to go, basically, and I have another year of therapy to get me there.