Mental Health and Friends

It goes without saying that mental health problems are going to affect your relationships. They change the way you see and interact with the world so it’s inevitable. And obviously it’s going to differ massively from person to person and lately I’ve been interested in how other people have maintained friendships with their own problems and if relating at all is difficult – for me, I’ve always found it hard.

Looking back to when my problems really became apparent: anorexia. With my anorexic voice in my head there was very little room for anyone else’s and people getting in the way of my routines coupled with my lack of personality due to a lack of energy, I found friendships hard. Some people battled to stay in my life. Others less so. What was interesting though is that it must have been seen as a very ‘glamorous’ illness. When I was in hospital people came to visit and vowed to love me and be worried about me that I barely heard from again since once I became healthy. Yuck – who needs friends like that?

Now, with my ongoing BPD, there are people who I have drifted from. My anxiety can get in the way, I can be flaky with arrangements, I can feel dull, inferior and like I add nothing to a relationship. I feel selfish and like a ‘bad person’ unless I put everyone else first. And then I get overwhelmed and so cancel everything and feel disgusted with myself and too ashamed to press the friendship further. I have friends that are safe and those who aren’t and I totally don’t blame people for losing patience with me as I can do too.

And although I may have lost friends to my problems, I’ve also gained many. Through my various treatments and in other walks of life, I’ve met other people who struggle and it’s always such a relief to be able to talk to someone who understands first hand where you’re coming from. Sometimes these friendships can become unhealthy or difficult if your issues clash or are too similar, but often they are rewarding and some of the closest friendships I’ve made.

Anyway, that’s my ramblings but I’m interested in what other people have felt about friends and mental health too. 🙂

 

 

 

Happy Memories

This weekend I saw a great friend of mine from my time as an inpatient at the Yorkshire Centre for Eating Disorders at Seacroft.First of all, I want to say I’m so proud of the people who I saw at their worst in that place who have come through to have careers/children/happiness. Such strong, brave women who I will always have the greatest respect for. Whatever else happens in our lives – we can all be proud to have overcome such a horrendous demon.

Secondly though – my friend had found some videos we made on her phone in hospital and they were awesome to watch. They were of friends giggling and having fun despite the surroundings. OK, we really shouldn’t have been filming on the ward because there were some very sick people in there who had a right to anonymity – but the memories were so happy. It was like watching teenagers at boarding school – though we were older and lacked many privileges. We were hugging each other, showing off our bedrooms, posing, laughing, racing wheelchairs – just finding fun and happiness in a difficult time.

I’m not glamorising being hospitalised for eating disorders. Believe me, I have some grim memories too – the fear, the depression, being watched in the shower, having to use a potty, not being allowed outside, the pain and humiliation…but I’m just in awe of the strength of people. The ability to find joy in unlikely places – that we can endure and we can push ourselves through so much crap. We can overcome trauma and we can still smile.

Sure, people can be horrendous to one another, but people can be amazing too. Thank you to everyone who gave me sunshine in that time – you know who you are. 🙂